If anyone talked to me at all this summer, they would know how much I loved my internship -- I actually fell in love with the work and people. The industry was so interesting, the people were incredibly bright and supportive. I couldn't stop talking about it to anyone who would listen.

Context: On June 8th, 2026, I was unexpectedly thrown into a world of options trading and markets when I started interning at a trading firm. I was hired as a Software Engineering (SWE) intern, but they lumped us SWE interns in with the trading interns for the first half of the summer program.

The first four weeks were probably four of my favorite weeks out of the year.

Everyday we'd do asynchronous learning for a few hours, learn from trading educators who'd bring up real-world scenarios that would challenge our understanding of the initial learning material, participate in engaging seminars with senior leaders, learn from public speaking and poker lessons, and get access to mentorship from incredibly bright and humble people.

The Opportunity

When I was extended the opportunity to participate in the 1-week Trading Bootcamp, I was ecstatic! ദ്ദി/ᐠ｡‸｡ᐟ\ I wanted to keep learning about the market -- and see if this could be a potential career pathway to pursue.

Everyone kept asking me throughout the week, "Trading or SWE?" and I'd always answer, "I don't know."

Side tangent: I felt SWE was something I enjoyed and could excel in if I put in the work. Trading was a lot more exciting and new to me; however, I was worried that trading was the type of career where I'd put in a lot of work, but I'd never be successful since so many people appeared to have a natural talent for it. IDK if this paragraph makes sense. but that's why it was always "idk."

We got to go through options education again, get mentorship from new full-time traders, pitch trades and get highkey rejected on a lot of them, and talk to long-time traders.

By the end of the bootcamp, I had come to my decision! I want to be a trader! I loved how exciting and dynamic it was. I thought the traders I interacted with were incredibly fun and I sensed their passion for the work they did. I saw myself pursuing this career.

I told my friends how much I was anticipating hearing back from the recruiting team about potential offers for their Trading Associate (TA) role.

I asked friends and family to pray for me. My parents were so supportive and excited.

I prayed to God in the following nights, "Please let me do whatever is in your will," but I quietly added, "But please open this door for me."

The Rejection

It wasn't long before I heard a response.

On the Wednesday following the bootcamp, my recruiter called me to discuss details about my full time SWE Return Offer (RO)! AHH! Yayyy, praise God!!!! I had already known about this RO a week earlier, but it was so exciting to hear it fully confirmed.

Then we started talking about deadlines and a realization crept into my mind:

I asked, "Wait, does this mean I didn't get the TA RO?"

When I clarified with the recruiter, I felt my heart drop a bit after she responded.

She shared, "Unfortunately no, but they thought your skills would be a better fit for SWE!"

𐔌՞. .՞𐦯 ᵒʰʰʰʰ

Important !!!

Before you keep reading, I also want to express that I am beyond privileged and blessed to even have received this opportunity to intern in the first place. I'm even more blessed to have had the return offer for the SWE role extended to me. I honestly think the disappointment I faced is super minimal relative to the many issues most people actually suffer from.

What I'm sharing next is to help anyone who's dealing with the aftermath of any doors God has closed in their lives.

The TA offer was something I really wanted, but it's clear to me now that I am being directed toward a different path.

I want this post to show my own struggle with reconciling God's good plan and our personal abmition so others might be able to also reflect on it as well.

The Challenge

I was weighed down by thoughts of doubt. I kept replaying moments throughout the bootcamp to pinpoint exactly where I had fallen short. I felt like I disappointed people who expected me to get the position.

I knew the longer I stayed caught up in the past, the more I would start victimizing myself, which was the last type of headspace I wanted to be in.

Yet! Under clouds of gray, I had rays of hope peeking through!

Looking back on the prior week, I could recognize several moments when God had planted important seeds of wisdom in preparation for this disappointment.

Wisdom from a Mentor

I pulled aside my project manager at the end of the bootcamp week to ask for his review of my performance.

One thing he told me has stuck: You need mental grit. People are going to keep rejecting your ideas and you need to keep pushing forward regardless.

When I thought about his advice, I realized I don't want this "no" now to prevent me from continuing to try. Regardless of how others may assess me, I'm the one who can determine how much I invest in myself!

If I truly enjoy learning about the markets, this "no" doesn't have any power to stop me.

Wisdom from Noelle

This is Noelle :) my church big sister who is always reaching out to me to listen to my college stories and provide so much genuine, thoughtful wisdom.

I told her about my worries for the TA offer prior to the response, and she shared: A closed door now doesn't mean it's closed forever. If you don't receive the response you expect, that doesn't have to be a permanent rejection.

Actual bars.

I'm also not quoting anyone word-for-word here, just in case you're reading this and thinking, "I do not remember saying that."

What Noelle shared was incredibly valuable to me. I could obey God while also recognizing that timing is a big factor in how things play out in our lives. Just because we don't have an answer now doesn't mean we won't have one forever.

Keep Your Heart

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." - Proverbs 4:23

I found this verse while scrolling on Facebook reels. There was a man whose family members had passed away suddenly throughout the course of several years from unrelated causes. It was very tragic, yet he said he could still retain steadfastness to the Lord because of this verse: he kept guarding his heart.

It made a lot of sense to me.

Your heart dictates so much of what comes out and what you filter in.

How do you handle rejection, disappointment, shame, guilt? Do you let the world tell you that you are a sum of your achievements? Or do you let God define your identity as His child and treasured possession? Do you trust and rejoice in God's saving work? Do you let yourself become bitter or resentful?

These are things we have to be diligent about as Christians because we are constantly under attack by the enemy to have divided hearts that don't seek God fully. Satan thrives when we are in periods of waiting or doubt. Be vigilant.

The truths that helped ground my thoughts and heart the most were:

1. God is good, always
2. My value was never rooted in my achievements; God doesn't need me to be a trader to complete His purpose for me
3. Everything I have is a blessing and gift! Think of all the times God has given me things before I asked for them -- or even knew that I wanted them. I should celebrate with joy in all circumstances.

Of course, I still go through phases of doubt toward God. Everyone does. My feelings are swayed by the ways of the world. I am no model example of a faithful servant.

But scripture is one of the most powerful tools to keep us rooted in truth. The Holy Spirit is sanctifying us each day so we can be more Christlike creatures.

We just need to protect our hearts from the falsities and pains of the world.